


From Azkaban, With Love

by SirensandSeers



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Forgiveness, Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29446407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirensandSeers/pseuds/SirensandSeers
Summary: Draco writes to Ginny from Azkaban.May 3, 1998.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Ginny Weasley
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12
Collections: Love Fest 2021, Rare Pairs RHM Read for LoveFest





	From Azkaban, With Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CinnamonFreckle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonFreckle/gifts).



> A One-Shot for CinnamonFreckle
> 
> Draco pours out his heart, but is it enough?
> 
> Written for #LF2021 #LoveFest2021 #teamvVenus

May 3, 1998 ~ One day after the Battle of Hogwarts  
\--------------------------------------------  
Dear Ginny,  
Do you remember what I told you during my 6th year? That one day, I would tell you what was inside my soul. The truth is, I don’t think I knew during 6th year. The Dark Lord was living in my house, my father was weak from Azkaban, and my mother looked at me with expectant eyes. “Family” what was they said, but I’m not sure if they knew what it meant.  
But you, you were the fire in my veins. I would see your red hair flash through the hallways and it made my task a little bit easier. Kind of fucked up isn't it? You were my motivation for completing my task, something you would have been vehemently against if you knew. Any moment alone that we would steal together, pushed me to work on the cabinet a little bit more. I was so convinced that the cabinet was the answer. And then when the cabinet was completed and the Death Eaters arrived, it was instantly obvious that I had been wrong. I didn’t know what to do, who to approach, how to tell you how sorry I was. One minute I was standing there staring at Dumbledore and the next Severus was dragging me out of the castle and down the grounds. All I could think was “I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up.”

  
The worst part is, that moment, I thought it was the worst day of my life. But every day since then has gotten collectively worse. In school, it was easy to be the biggest prat in the room. You know this, you told me it regularly. But all of the sudden, I was kneeling at the feet of the biggest prat ever, the Dark Lord. And three days later, I woke up with this thing on my arm. This ugly brand that I can never get rid of. And it was like everything I thought I knew was now wrong. What my father would have called the greatest honor I looked down on with horror. What the fuck had I done? And then all summer I got to hear about the filthy muggles, the blood traitors, and everything that had been spewed to me my entire fucking life. And you know what? All I could see was the disappointment in your eyes when you saw the Death Eaters in the castle. All I could think of was how the biggest fuck up I had ever made was not letting you drag me to Dumbledore during 6th year. All I could hear was your voice begging me to tell you what was going on.

  
It happened so quickly, one day we were meeting in a broom closet and the next Death Eaters were ruling my life. And worst of all, I was one of them. The fucking snake on my arm told me so. And so when I arrived for 7th year, I was prepared for you to tell me to go to hell. For you to tell me what a prat I was and to tell me everything I did wrong. I was prepared for it and looking forward to seeing you. But you didn’t tell me off. Instead you didn't say anything, and I think that was worse. I deserved it, every time you would look away from me, every time you would smile at Longbottom, every time you would defy Snape and get in trouble. I felt like it was all a punishment but I deserved it. I know this past year has been hell for you, I know that Goyle and Crabbe were terrible. But please, can you see how I tried not to be worse? I tried to avoid hexing anyone at school, but then I would go home and the Dark Lord would make me do something even more terrible. And then one day, you disappeared. You were gone. And what was worse than watching you be a better person than me constantly? Watching you, hearing your voice, and you ignoring me day in and day out? It was you being gone. I would dream of what they had done to you. I would dream of coming home to the manor and seeing you there. It was my worst fear. When Potter, Weasley, and Granger showed up over the holiday, my first thought was “Oh thank merlin, she isn’t with them.” It was torture and I deserved every bit of it.

  
Out of all the bad days, yesterday was the worst and the best. The worst because of all the death. All the creatures that showed up for the Dark Lord made me sick. He poisons everything he touches, including me. The worst because I had to watch my parents, once again, back a man who is clearly mad. The worst because I am a coward and over and over again I seem to prove it. But it was the best too, you are alive. Alive and you survived. You told me once that muggles believe in gods, and if there is one, I thanked them yesterday for your existence. And it was the best because for the first time in a year, you actually looked at me. And even when it was clear that I continuously fucked up, it looked, for a second, that you may have been happy to see me. It was the happiest moment I had had in over a year. Ginny, you looked beautiful, even with a torn coat and dirt on your face, you looked beautiful.

  
None of this probably makes any sense to you… I feel like I’m just writing whatever comes to my head. You probably would have never expected me to write this to you. It probably seems out of character. But 6th year I told you that one day, I would bear my soul to you. It's you, Ginny Weasley, you are my soul. Whenever I would close my eyes, your brown eyes, fiery red hair, and sly smile would be there. You kept me grounded, even when I continuously knew that I would never be good enough for you. I know that you probably would have been happy never hearing my name again. But now that the war is over, I just need you to know what the past year has been like for me.

  
I will never be Harry Potter. I am not the savior of the wizarding world. But I am Draco Malfoy. You are probably the first person to hear this, I am sorry. I’m sorry, Ginny. I’m sorry that I didn’t take your hand and let you lead me to Dumbledore. I'm sorry that my mistakes killed him. I'm sorry that this last year has been utter hell for you. I'm sorry that I walked back to mother and father during the battle yesterday. It seems like time after time I make the wrong choice. But you, you have always been the right choice. I promise, if you accept me I will work to be better. I will work to be a man that deserves you. You are my soul. It’s you.

  
Do you remember? Do you remember how good it could be? I remember how sweet your kisses were. And how you would make this soft moan every time I kissed behind your ear or down your neck. I remember how your hands felt under my robes and how soft your skin was. Even your hands, being the quidditch player you are, were always soft. Do you remember? When Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw would play would always be the best time to meet up. Broom closets were our favorite, but imagine what we could do in a room in an actual bed? Please remember, Gin. I need you. I need us to work.

I am in Azkaban. They took us here right away. My trial is July 9th, or so they have told me. I hope you’re okay. I hope you believe me, I’m sorry. Ginny, I love you. There are many more things I want to say but I want to say them to your face. Please write me back.

Love,  
Draco


End file.
